don't read this sh*t, it's just a waste of time!

just
don't
read
this
sh*t!
it's
a
waste
of
time
.....
it's not too late to click the "back" button.
...
I've warned you..


on an ordinary Sunday night
two morons came up with such theory whatsoever about survival guides when you're in a deep sh*t. Or most likely about 5 steps that everyone do to "heal the wounds"
1. SELF-DESTRUCT
Do whatever you want to do. don't think. shoot some meth if you're into those chemical thingy. Drink some boozes if you're into alcohol. Use every girl/boy and leave them. Cash every single penny on you bank account. Start a fight with a complete stranger. Don't think. You're officially the lowest person on earth right now. Never mind what will people talk about you. Coz you don't/want/need to think right now.
2. OVERDOSED
When all the things that you did on no.1 is getting boring and complicated. or more likely your brain cells starts sending a warning that what you did on no.1 is fu**ing useless and didn't get you nowhere.
3. FOUND A NEW RELIGION
old-wise-man said once upon a time : "people changed". period. whether you realized it or not, we found a new point of view every day. there will be some things that you used to believed in looks nothing but bulls*it right now. and there will be some things that you didn't agree with will be things that you worshiped for. you have found a new religion. you have changed. you've been damaged.
4. EMPTY RECYCLE BIN.
you're feeling better than ever before. you don't need the bad memories. it's time to install new softwares or programs and rebooth.
5.SOBER
there will be some hangover effects from hard-core-roller-coaster-life before. try sipping hot coffee and have a breakfast. you'll feel much better and energized to survive the whole day.

so, at which stage are you?
i'm on stage 4.
naah...don't answer that question. it's just a waste of time.

Pemerkosaan Hak Pribadi

Hari ini saya betul-betul merasa terhina.
Mungkin terdengar hal sepele dan tidak terlalu penting juga untuk dibesar-besarkan.
Tapi saya merasa batas pribadi saya sudah sangat jelas-jelas dilanggar!
Berawal dari peminjaman flashdisk selama 10 menit, saya pun dengan sadar diri mengamankan terlebih dahulu file-file pribadi kedalam 1 folder, di set hidden folder. Memang paling gampang adalah memindahkan file-file pribadi saya terlebih dahulu atau langsung menghapusnya. Tapi saya pikir, toh file2 pribadi saya tidak mengandung unsur-unsur yang dilarang oleh agama dan negara... (kalaupun saya menyimpan film bokep atau apapun...so f***in' what????) dan saya sedang sibuk membereskan poster dan desain pada saat itu..dan saya malas memindahkan file yang berjumlah nyaris 1giga.
Tapi ternyata, ya ya ya
file2 pribadi saya dengan naif seolah tak berdosa dibuka begitu saja dengan mudahnya oleh seseorang yang menurut saya seharusnya bersikap sesuai umur dan posisinya...

Kesal. Malu. Merasa Terhina. Being violated and invaded. Being public consumption.

kalo udah gini, yang paling bikin kesel adalah saya pun dibilang "salah" karena menyimpan file pribadi didalam flashdisk milik saya yang saya beli dengan uang saya sendiri.
ANEH.
apa karena budaya "kebersamaan" menjadikan milikmu, milikku juga?
apa orang indonesia sudah lupa dengan yang namanya "MENGHORMATI"?
aah brengsek.
mau marah-marah juga percuma.
mau nelpon ke KOMNAS HAM juga mungkin cuma ditanggapi sama ketawa ngakak.
tapi pelanggaran teritori pribadi saya yang dilakukan seolah-olah itu hal lumrah lah yang membuat saya murka.
saya telah diperkosa.
secara psikologis dan sosial.
ANJ**G!.

1st step to success: anger management

"The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions."
dikutip dari: http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html Dua hari ini saya belajar tentang 1 hal. Anger Management. saya sadar sesadar-sadarnya kalau saya memiliki bakat "meledakkan" amarah di satu titik "panas" tertentu. Dua hari ini saya merasakan aura "kemarahan" seseorang terhadap saya.. Dua hari ini seseorang itu bersikap dingin-lebih-tepat-lagi-menyebalkan-oh-please-who-the-hell-are-you? ya ya ya ya ya ya.... jadi ingat quote dari George Washington : "If you want to know the real character of a man, give him power" yaah..kira-kira seperti itulah... semakin besar kekuasaan yang kita punya, semakin banyak juga orang yang "marah" sama kita.. dan menjadi orang yang punya kekuasaan itu = pendengar yang baik. soalnya dalam keadaan apapun harus tenang, berkepala dingin, sekaligus bersikap objektif dalam satu waktu. hufffff..... jadi kaya superhero aja...or act like God, perhaps? hmmphhfff..... -sigh*

All Grown Up

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

8 pm
Last night i went home, every bones in my body felt like ready to falls apart.. my brain felt like melted..i sighed…i felt like a hundred years old..

10 pm
finally..my little hiding place.. i was in my bedroom.. my eyes felt so heavy to stay awake..my mind started to wondering.. out of nowhere, i saw my bestfriends…i saw every moment that we used to laughed hysterically, cried on roughest times.. i sighed.. i missed the old days…

another Saturday night ( an event in a club that i had to attend to - so called a part of my job) 2 am.
people were dancing like crazy… the smell of alcohols stroked through my nose.. . i tried to neutralized it with smokes some cigarettes.. a wasted try… the room felt like it was a gas chamber… i barely breathed.. a teen-kinda wasted and drunk- spilled his drink to my favorite shirt..he laughed so hard instead apologized to me.. two girls -completely blacked out- fell right in front of me.. i helped them back to their feet… one girl throw up -almost on my favorite jeans- instead thanked me for helped them… i browsed my eyes through the entire room…. i sighed… I’m too old for this…

3 am.
Back to my little hiding place. My lovely -kind of messed up- bedroom… my hair smelled so bad. i even smelled badly.. i tried to closed my eyes.. i tried to sleep.. and suddenly i really missed my bestfriends… i missed them so much.. but some of them seems like they were in a different world that i could not reach for… the one that busy planning the wedding day… the one that busy reaching a master degree…. the one that busy with work.. the one that busy with family…everyone busy with their own life… i am not mad at them..i am completely understand (or at least i tried to).. . but sometimes i feel like i am two steps behind them… i’m still chasing dreams and they were already in theirs… so i just wished tomorrow will be a better day for me and them…i wished time wouldn’t made them or i forget… i wished some other time we would behaved like we used to be… reckless, careless, irresponsible, stubborn, but full of hopes and fearless….
but now i wonder why i feel soooo old?… why me and my bestfriends can’t hang out every time we want to?… why our priorities changed?….
i sighed….. we have all grown up…

everybody has a price

Everybody has a price…..
There is no such thing as "Money can’t buy everything"!

I feel extremely exhausted.
undoubtedly feel like a joke.
what the hell am i doing here?
I once had a beautiful dream.
I once an optimistic.
Then the same old story goes again.
Everybody has a price.
I only worth less than a million.
Be greedy.
Be powerful.
Be extremely careful and calculate everything you’ve done to numbers. With a lot of zero’s number.

Sometimes everything you have wished for is only a stupid dream.
Sometimes everything that you have worked for - no matter how hard you’ve been busting your ass for it!- is worthless.

Loyalty will getting someone everywhere, everything.
But it won’t getting you anywhere, anything.

Am i being extremely cynical?
Am i being strongly sarcastic?
I’m just being brutally honest.
Because i realized now that everybody has a price.
i repeat, everybody has a price.
i have a price.
my loyalty worth less than a compliment.
my ideas worth less than an affiliation.
my hard work worth less than a respect.
I’m only worth less than a million.
I’m only worth less than a coffee-maker.

No more walking around with my face against the world.
they make me feel worthless.

So, what should i do?
I wanna get back the old me.
When i am worth more than that.
And i know i am worth more than every fuckin’ penny in the world!

I might be stuck in a state of oblivion of misleading euphoria

i might be stuck in a state of oblivion of mislead euphoria…..

setelah bekerja, berjuang, demi mencari sesuap nasi , segenggam berlian, sehektar tanah, dan seorang calon suami potensial ! (preetttt!…) pheeewwww….. suddenly, came out of the blue…i feel lonely in the crowd….
mungkin beberapa sobat gue bakal ngomong:"so typical Gemini!"..lha emang zodiak ngaruh yaa ke urusan ini?
once upon a time…gue pernah bikin suatu "sumpah"..apapun yang terjadi nanti di dalam my-so-called-complicated yet wonderful-life ini…gue ga akan ngelupain satu hal yang walaupun terdengar sangat tolol dan bodoh!…(for everyone convenience, I’d rather not said it out loud! :P)…dan voila! gue udah mulai melupakan hal tersebut!
am i happy with what i do rite now?
yea…sort of…i enjoyed it..a lot!
malah ga disangka2 gue dapet kesempatan traveling kemana2…
but there is something missing in my life…
someone said to me ages ago: "You are like a bird, so spreads your wings and fly..You are like a shooting-star, so find your moment to shines..You are a true traveler, you always packed your suitcase and leave…and definitely you are unexpectedly person! and it’s not a bad thing though, because that’s just who you are..don’t feel bad just because"
hohoho..don’t even try to ask whose said that beautiful words to me…(too personal! sorry..:P)
so…… menurut temen gue yang satu itu… gue adalah orang yang ditakdirkan berpindah2, berkelana, nyari lingkungan baru, kenalan sama orang baru…jadi ga mungkin banget seorang Girda bisa tinggal diam di satu lingkungan.. hmmm mungkin itu salah satu alasan kenapa hubungan gue ga ada yang tahan lama ya? (heeeuuuppp ah…kok jadi curhat!)
jadi… is it true that right now i might be in a state of oblivion of mislead euphoria?
this thing called "euphoria"…
is it really exist?
is it wrong?
is it true that i am a so-called-a-true-traveler?
………………….???…………………?…………………??????……………………………
stop!
gue hanya bisa mengambil kesimpulan begini:
everyone is a true traveler in their life…from a mother to a backpacker…we always faces new & different things in this life though! maybe this time is not my final stop yet, or maybe i have already there!…we’ll never know….i just enjoying every minute of my life…and if it’s time for me to pack up my suitcase and leave..I’ll knew…something must have told me…so, rite now i’m just enjoying my life…my so-called-in a state of oblivion of mislead euphoria..and if i took the wrong turn? well, I’ll just pack up my suitcase and booked the first flight to anywhere then!
-cheers-

Living in the fast lane

No more deadlines pleaseeeeeeee…..
ternyata memang hidup itu harus fleksibel. lentur. plastik.karet.bunglon.
sebagai orang yang (mengaku) perfectionist…semua hal dalam hidup gue harus udah ada blue-print. master-plan.tapi akhir-akhir ini gue belajar sesuatu….. terkadang kalau lu terlalu merencanakan segala sesuatu secara detail. terperinci.sempurna. hasilnya (kadang-kadang) malah ga maksimal. dan anehnya, suatu hal yang dadakan malah menghasilkan sesuatu yang unbelievably-extraordinary-things!
mungkin karena pacuan adrenaline yang dipompa ampe maksimal…??
mungkin juga toh?….bukannya manusia cuma menggunakan 20% (atau 10%?) dari kapasitas otaknya?dan akhirnya gue (baru) sadar….it’s perfect to live in a steady.calm.planned. life…. but when you have everything planned already, where are the excitements?so right now i learn something new…just stick to the plan that i have. but always open doors for great opportunities that might comes along the way..I’m living in the fast lane…and i allowing you hitch-hiking in my car……

A book called "Destiny"

phhheeeewwwww!!!!……………..
akhirnya…keadaan mulai membaik akhir-akhir ini…

beberapa hari yang lalu..abang gue mudik ke Bandung dari the island of gods=Bali!!
dia terlihat lebih kurus dengan kulit legam terbakar matahari pantai hohohoho…sirik? hehehe..iya sih… finally he got his dream job in a dreamer island! dan berhubung di sono baju2 nya pada mahal2..akhirnya gue jadi tour guide dia keliling2 distro sampe ke kota kembang beli dvd (bajakan tentunya!:P)..eh, tau2 ujan guede banget!akhirnya nongkronglah kita di cabe rawit sambil nyeruput hot cappucinno+coffe latte+banana..(apa ya lupa?)…dan kita pun mulai berandai2…dalam waktu 10 tahun kedepan…insyallah kita bakal patungan bikin cafe kaya cabe rawit somewhere lah…near by white sandy beach…beneran serius lho..sampe ngomongin kemungkinan kenaikan harga material buat bangunan segala!dan..dalam sekejap pikiran gue terbang ke 10 tahun mendatang……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….stop! hujan udah reda nih..saatnya hunting baju lagi!
nyampe juga akhirnya ke rumah..dengan gembolan baju2 hasil dari THR…setelah nonton dvd yang baru dibeli..akhirnya mata gue udah ga bisa kompromi lagi nahan ngantuk….jam 2 pagi…bandung disiram hujan lagi…..radio muterin lagunya porcelain by moby…wah!khayalan gue tentang usaha buka cafe 10 tahun mendatang jadi dateng lagi……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….stop! suddenly something strucked me! damn! ngumpulin duit segede gitu dalam waktu 10 tahun apa mungkin yaa? mengingat keadaan gue yang masih gini2 aja sekarang…..tiba2 aja khayalan indah gue itu berganti jadi mimpi buruk yang bernama kenyataan!…gimana,andaikan,kalo,apa mungkin, bisa ga ya?…seolah2 lompat2 di kepala gue….damn! is it so hard to fulfil my dreams into reality?
belum lagi ada faktor hoki….atau faktor keberuntungan…aaarrrrghh……
tapi gue coba menguatkan hati…gue pasti bisa! harus bisa!
belajar dari kejadian2 ga enak belakangan ini..ternyata ada banyak banget hikmah yang tersembunyi di baliknya…
……….eh,tau2 ada sms dari sobat gue…galau…tentang nasib..tentang masalah hati…..tentang hidup…gue ga tau kata2 apa yang paling pas buat menghibur sobat gue…akhirnya tanpa sadar gue nulis…” i dunno what to say to make u feel better..but i think God has written all of our life in a book called destiny..we just have to read every page one by one and be patient till the last page..so right now just enjoy reading cause the ending must be surprisingly a happy end! semangat ! and btw…eventhough God has written that, but He left blank pages for us to write in it also..we aren’t just a reader but a writer too!”

options
send
message sent
delivered

gue pun senyum2 sendiri baca sms yang baru gue kirimin ke temen gue itu..
ga nyangka gue bisa nulis kata2 sebijaksana itu…
akhirnya gue ngerasa ngantuk lagi……hoaaaaahhhh!(menguap kaya kuda)…… maybe i still on the first chapter of my life…. there are still lots of blank pages that i haven’t write yet…….dan gue pun mulai terlelap……i have a vision that i’m busy serving my customer in my(and my brother) cozy+homy cafe with a perfect wave and the bluest sea surrounding us………

F*** Your 1st Impression!!

“first impression is the most definite thing that people would see about yourself….”
“dress to success….”
“Smile! eventhough you’re not feeling to…”

Sering denger kata2 so-called-wise words di atas?
gue sering banget! dan gue termasuk salah satu orang yang menganut teguh peribahasa di atas itu…
tapi akhir-akhir ini gue mulai enek dan muak dengan segala tetek bengek itu…
kok rasanya gue jadi kaya orang tolol aja senyum2 dan ketawa2 padahal sebenernya gue lagi feeling so blue…
jujur, gue cape banget harus dandan abis2an setiap 1st date atau bahkan pas interview kerja…
bukannya pada saat2 seperti itulah kita harus mengeluarkan jati diri kita yang sebenernya dan menunjukkan bahwa sebagai seorang individu kita punya berbagai keunikan,kelebihan, dan kekurangan yang membuat hubungan antar manusia atau antar bos dengan bawahan jadi semakin menarik?
beuuuuh! dalem amat ya bahasanya?
but that’s the truth people! at least for me…

while i’m trying to be my true self…..then i am too weird as a young women..
while i’m applying job in a bank….then i am too “stuffy” or “large” to be a customer service (memangnya gapapa ya seorang CS walo judes, bego, lambat, kebanyakan ngobrol, sering korupsi waktu makan siang…asalkan cantik dengan ukuran lingkar dada dan pinggang sempurna?)
while i’m so exciting sharing my brilliant ideas….then i have a big mouth or so arrogant..
while i’m wearing my favorite clothes…then it is waaayyyyy out of date!
jadi gue harus gimana doong?
selama ini gue tipe follower…go with the flow….tapi ternyata hal itu ga menjamin gue bakal diterima di suatu lingkungan atau membuat pendapat gue diterima sama orang2…
gue sangat sangat sadar sekarang….the best way to live is to harmonize and synchronize yourself with everything or everyone around you…
gue akan berpakaian serapi gue bisa tapi tetap nyaman untuk dipakai..gue ga akan maksain pake rok atau sepatu dengan hak stilleto (terbakarlah di neraka orang yang menemukan hak sepatu penjagal itu!)
gue akan berpendapat dan ngeluarin semua ide2 gila gue walapun beresiko akan memicu ketidaksetujuan orang2…
gue ga akan memaksakan bibir gue kedat-kedut kebanyakan senyum kalo perasaan gue lagi bete…
gue ketawa kalo ada hal yang lucu…
gue nangis kalo ada hal yang buat gue sedih..
sounds so cynical?
no….i’m just going with the flow but i won’t let my self drown….
i’m just being me…
it’s just me….i’m just trying to be honest…
everbody deserves a second look…a second chance…..a second impression…
cause 1st impression is me trying to look as perfect as everyone wants…
get to know me better and deeper first….then you say what kind of person i really am!

“don’t judge a book by its cover!….”