8 pm
Last night i went home, every bones in my body felt like ready to falls apart.. my brain felt like melted..i sighed…i felt like a hundred years old..
10 pm
finally..my little hiding place.. i was in my bedroom.. my eyes felt so heavy to stay awake..my mind started to wondering.. out of nowhere, i saw my bestfriends…i saw every moment that we used to laughed hysterically, cried on roughest times.. i sighed.. i missed the old days…
another Saturday night ( an event in a club that i had to attend to - so called a part of my job) 2 am.
people were dancing like crazy… the smell of alcohols stroked through my nose.. . i tried to neutralized it with smokes some cigarettes.. a wasted try… the room felt like it was a gas chamber… i barely breathed.. a teen-kinda wasted and drunk- spilled his drink to my favorite shirt..he laughed so hard instead apologized to me.. two girls -completely blacked out- fell right in front of me.. i helped them back to their feet… one girl throw up -almost on my favorite jeans- instead thanked me for helped them… i browsed my eyes through the entire room…. i sighed… I’m too old for this…
3 am.
Back to my little hiding place. My lovely -kind of messed up- bedroom… my hair smelled so bad. i even smelled badly.. i tried to closed my eyes.. i tried to sleep.. and suddenly i really missed my bestfriends… i missed them so much.. but some of them seems like they were in a different world that i could not reach for… the one that busy planning the wedding day… the one that busy reaching a master degree…. the one that busy with work.. the one that busy with family…everyone busy with their own life… i am not mad at them..i am completely understand (or at least i tried to).. . but sometimes i feel like i am two steps behind them… i’m still chasing dreams and they were already in theirs… so i just wished tomorrow will be a better day for me and them…i wished time wouldn’t made them or i forget… i wished some other time we would behaved like we used to be… reckless, careless, irresponsible, stubborn, but full of hopes and fearless….
but now i wonder why i feel soooo old?… why me and my bestfriends can’t hang out every time we want to?… why our priorities changed?….
i sighed….. we have all grown up…
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